As some of you know, I have a self proclaimed love affair with the comma. It seems I’ve a more that slight flirtation going on with “tags” as well.

So what is a tag? Here’s an example:

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz,” she said.

Highlighted in red is the tag. A tag is usually associated with the word “said.” So we end up with “he said” or “she said.” We call these dialogue tags and they’re strictly functional. After all, you’ll never see one in a movie unless a character is saying something someone else said. We see who’s talking most of the time.

In the above mentioned example, we might actually get away with dropping the “she said.”

A writer might also try something like:

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz,” she said firmly.

The tag and the word “firmly” add nothing to the sentence and are just extraneous. Adding an adverb to a tag doesn’t help. If anything, it makes things worse. The statement, minus the tag and adverb, conjures up an image of woman with her hands on her hips, looking defiant, and telling Will Diaz to get out.

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz!”

Better might be,

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz!” Carla shouted.

I identify the speaker, and I added to it.

But sometimes, to be more “writerly,” some writers might write:

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz!’ Carla boomed.

My first question would be, “What is Carla? A cannon?”

People don’t “boom” unless they stepped on a landmine. The word “boomed” adds nothing to the conversation. If you must, use a simpler word such as “shouted.”

Better yet, identify who spoke, and have their words associated with action or event.

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz.” Carla’s words echoed in the empty church like a direct order from an angel of God.

Use as few tags as possible. They exist only to show the reader who’s talking, and using too many gets annoying. If you can, associate the dialogue with an the character doing something, or an effect. The above works because Carla said something, and it had an impact on Will.

In a perfect dialogue, we wouldn’t need to keep identifying who’s speaking. For instance:

“Will Diaz,” Carla said, placing her hand on the altar. “I declare Sanctuary!”

“Shit!” I said.

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz,” she said.

Annoying and about as a dry as unbuttered three-day old toast.

Better might be:

Carla whirled and placed her hand on the back altar of the church. “Will Diaz, I declare Sanctuary!”

“Shit!” A word which should never be uttered in a House of God, but it described the situation she had just thrust all into.

“You can just get the hell out of here, Will Diaz!” Carla’s words echoed in the empty church like a direct order from an angel of God.